Information Overload

I've started back to classes this fall.  (I teach acting and performance at a small university in Greenville, SC).  One of the classes I'm teaching is Movement for Actors.  This is one of my all time favorite classes to teach.  The first third of the semester I have devoted to AT.  I truly believe that actors needs to fully understand and be aware of their bodies before they dive into manipulating their bodies into various characters.

I'm finding, however, that I get so very excited that I want to tell my students EVERYTHING I know all at once.  I have a great desire to give them (right away) everything I've learned about AT over the past 12 or so years.  Talk about information overload!

I asked myself why I have this need.  And I really think it's more of my habit of End Gaining.  I fall back into my habit of wanting to present AT to my students in the "right" way.  This of course puts a ton of pressure on me!  I secretly desire my students to "get it right" so that they can be healthier people and more proficient performers.  That secret desire is also extended to myself... I very much want to "get it right" and be a very good professor.

I was able to calm that End Gaining feeling down a little bit throughout that first class, but I know that it will be a struggle throughout the rest of the semester.  Well... End Gaining will be a struggle throughout my life!

A Little Easier

I had another very big stressing moment happen to me today.  I read an email that instantly got my blood boiling.  My jaw clenched, my eyes narrowed, I lost all awareness of things happening around me, my shoulders, spine, and Self turned into a turtle shell.

I wish I could say exactly why or how I thought what I thought next, but I'm unable.  I only know that I became aware of my Self breaking up into little hard parts.  Then less than a minute later I remembered my A/O joint.  A deep breath was allowed in.  I took in my surroundings.  My jaw unclenched.  I lengthened, widened, and deepened.  And most exciting and interesting was that after I noticed these physical changes occurring, the next thought that came into my head was, "There's nothing I can do about this email right now; and it's quite possible I am getting carried away with my emotions.  Maybe I do not fully understand what the email is saying".  How awesome is that?!  I think that is totally rad that thoughts can inspire AT and AT can inspire thoughts.

Even though I am unable to explain why or how I became aware of my Self, I'm very thankful that I did.  It is becoming a little easier for me... little bit by little bit.

Of course, this all leads me to wish I could be this "with it" (utilizing AT) while I'm mad, sad, upset, frustrated, hurt etc. etc.  My instinct says, all of those feelings are normal and needed in my life... where AT can help me the most is in the recovery of such strong feelings and emotions.  How odd would it be if I remained the "good Alexander student" through a very tough time.  I'd be like a Zen Zombie or something.  Yuck.