Live in the Tension; Lean into the Ambiguity

Last Sunday, my church had a guest speaker.  The main point she kept referring back to was this phrase, "Live in the tension; lean into the ambiguity".  Her application of it is talking more about the "unknowns" in our every day life and how they can bring us so much stress.  For example, there are many tense-filled moments with my son as he is growing to into his own individual self.  His defiance and power struggle with me brings a lot of tension and stress.  The speaker's point is that I can live/rest/chill-out in those moments of tension because those are the times that I will meet God.  Those moments are inevitable, so why fight & struggle... wasting all of that energy.

The same concept applies to "lean into the ambiguity" - only the context changes.  For example, if a student is beginning to fret and worry over what they are going to do with the rest of their life after they graduate... the answer is quite unclear.  For any of our questions dealing with our future selves or worries over things we have no control... that is when we should invite ourselves to lean into that ambiguity.  Which, for me, that means to breathe, look from a larger perspective, and seek direction.

You are probably already connecting the dots that I did... When I get pulled down into an activity I lose myself.  I lose the larger perspective.  I lose my breath.  I lose my direction.  I remember so clearly the first year or so of AT lessons where I kept trying to "get it right".  I also remember having no clue whatsoever if what I was sensing was accurate or if the directions I was giving myself were helpful.  The whole concept and practical application of AT was ambiguous!  But I kept "living in the tension" of not "getting it right" and I kept "leaning into the ambiguity" and trusting the AT process.  Of course over time I have learned to take a breath, become aware of my self and my surroundings, to give myself direction... all of which doesn't seem ambiguous anymore!

Please know that I am not making any connection to God and the Alexander Technique.  I'm not saying that one will find God through AT... but I was immediately attracted to the language this guest pastor used and thought it could also be applied to my work in AT.  I don't know... when I think of these phrases, they kind of bring the breath to me.

An interesting experiment with language.

Fighting the "Good Student" Syndrome

There are countless times a day I find myself in my old "comfortable" habits.  And then I immediately get frustrated with myself, "Oh. My. Goodness.  Why am I in this position?!  Haven't I learned anything through my AT years?" etc. etc.

Then of course after that, I tell myself, "it's alright... we all have habits.  Even my teachers fall into their habits."  While I try to convince myself of this message, I secretly still wish I was "doing better" with AT.  I want to be a prize pupil.  I want to have amazing use all the time so that I my future self will thank me!

(sigh)

I think I'll be having this conversation for awhile.

Commitment

I am fortunate enough to have a few people volunteer to be my AT guinea pigs during my last year of teacher training.  I have one person in particular who's career is based on the fact that they have a good voice.  This person is running into similar issues that F.M. ran into... losing his voice often and medical doctors are having a difficult time "fixing" it.  Along with AT, I am also using Kristen Linklater's book, Freeing the Natural Voice, to help him understand how the voice & breath work.

My "student" knew nothing about AT and nothing about the voice (how he has a job that requires good vocal use without ever taking any vocal training still befuddles me a bit!).  When we first met, I explained that over the years he has taken on some habits that are not helpful.  These habits (and we all have them) have taken years to form and now they seem very comfortable and "natural" to him... they even seem "right".  I went on to say that letting these habits go so that you are able use your whole Self more efficiently will take quite a bit of time and commitment.  This will not be a quick fix, but rather slow and steady wins the race.

His response was that he understands that "fixing" this issue will take time and he's ready for the long haul.  I understand that sometimes AT and vocal training can seem ethereal or just plain weird to some people so, I am very impressed with his courage to try something "outside the box".  I have given him "homework" at the end of each session like: "start to notice when & where your body is carrying extra tension"; "throughout the day visualize your skull delicately moving forward and up away from the top of your spine" (etc.).  His response to my homework is something to the effect of, "but what can I do to help my voice?"; "can you give me a vocal warm-up?" (etc.).

SO... I am hearing him say that he is willing and able to commit to the long haul, but I am experiencing him wanting to "do" something to fix his problem now.  I'm sure this is a common dilemma for AT teachers to experience, but of course it's my first time at the rodeo.

If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them!  For now, I think I will continue to encourage the process and continue to find new/creative ways to explain the process.  I hope he sticks with me!!! I have a feeling he might bail and that would really stink!