Confession

So, I need to confess that sometimes I feel anxiety when I am getting ready to write a post for this blog.  My brain goes into pressure mode... "I need to write something smart & witty" or "I'm not sure that what I have to say is interesting enough so maybe I should just pass on writing today"... you get the idea.  A couple of times these thoughts have crept into my conscious mind I have recognized and named them out loud as Fear.  That alone has helped me to Pause and reevaluate where that thought stems from.

I was talking with my AT teacher, the fabulous Sarah Barker, about this just the other day.  And she was so thrilled for me.  Ha!  Sometimes I think it's so funny the things that get us AT people excited.  Anyway, she pointed out to me what a wonderful time of experimentation this blogging thing could be for me.  I will be (and am) practicing INHIBITION when I blog.

For kicks, I'd like to attempt to explain what I know Inhibition to be.  Simply put, it's allowing a Pause to happen before I do something (anything).  Within that Pause, I will Direct myself.  So, if I am cleaning in the kitchen thinking about what I am going to blog next, I might notice some physical tension or tightness.  I will then Inhibit (Pause and Direct).  Then, I might sit at the computer and have the impulse to think of something "brilliant" to write.  I will Inhibit again.  And again.  And again.  

What am I Inhibiting exactly?  My old habits... my reactionary patterns to a stimulus.  Have you noticed your patterns?  Some of mine include: tightening of the jaw, shortened breaths, blinders on my eyes so that I zero in on my target.  The Inhibiting allows me to take a moment to say to myself, "sure, I can go ahead and allow my old habits to happen but what would happen if I consciously take a breath, Think Forward and Up, then acknowledge and become aware of my whole environment.  Typically what happens is that I find myself more centered, more in control (but not in an aggressive way), lightness, and freedom in my whole body.  

How much time does this Inhibiting take? I think at first when one is learning it, it can take a few moments.  But after time, patience and practice, Inhibiting will become the new habit and will most likely become like an automatic response.  This is my guess... I'm still taking my time when I Inhibit.  So, writing this one blog has taken me a little longer than my habitual self would have liked.  BUT, I can happily say that my body (and Self) are happier, healthier and thankful for the extra time.

Direct Your Thought

One of Alexander's principles is 'Direction'.  My current understanding of what this principle teaches is that 'Direction' is not a specific place like North, South, East or West but rather we, each of us, has the power to direct our own thoughts in order to make changes.

In regard to the Primary Control, the 'Direction' we give ourselves is, 'Forward and Up'.  Physically (if you will permit me for a moment to separate the mind from the body) when I think of 'Forward and Up' I visualize my A/O joint and then I picture an arching arrow continuing to spiral my Self up and out of the top of my scull.  The effect for me (right now anyway) is one of lengthening, lightness, full breaths, and the ability to move in any direction at any given moment.  (That's quite a bit going on for a simple little phrase!)  There are many other 'Directions' we can give ourselves, but for this moment I wanted to use this one example.

What I have been most intrigued with lately is how 'Direction' is beyond the physical example I mentioned.  I am learning that my entire life (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc.) is supported and propelled by how I choose to Direct My Thought.  For example, if I continually speak to my Self in a negative context, those directions will have a negative effect on my entire Self.  So if I decided to make a change in my life... if I decide that I want to change my habit of negative self talk... I absolutely can do that!  I also have to realize that changing a habit is difficult and will take time.  I will need to remind myself that when I repeat the habit that I want to eradicate, that I am not perfect, that I've lived with this habit for a very long time, and I also need to congratulate myself for simply noticing my old habit.  Behavioral change can be a very good thing and it can also take a very long time.

What I LOVE is that I do have the power within me to change my habits.  Which means that I can change my life to make it what I want it to be.  And I can do ALL of this with just a Thought.

A Painful End-Gaining Experience

SO... I had a wonderful day with my brother celebrating his 40th birthday at a place called Catamount in upstate NY.  (Check it out:  http://www.catamounttrees.com/)  It's wonderland of zip-lines, balancing on wires 30+ feet in the air (attached to a harness of course), and a plethora of obstacles that is mentally & physically challenging.  Basically it's an obstacle course in the trees.

I was on this one course high up in the trees.  I'm attached to my harness & safety line.  The challenge was to step on to these "floating" logs while you hold on to the safety wire as you make your way across a 20 foot span until you can step onto the  landing zone.  I was doing SO FANTASTIC!  I was having a blast... smiling, laughing but all the while focusing on my foot placement.  OK - so then I get to the last two floating logs and I lost my Self.  I was looking to the landing zone instead of the challenge directly in front of me.  While over-reaching the log, my foot slipped, I "fell"but my arms held me up on the steel cables as they dug into my arms.  I didn't panic, but felt a lot of pain from the steel cable.

I knew instantly that I was end-gainging.  But, I didn't panic and I didn't beat myself up for end-gaining... which I am very happy about.  Not too long ago, I would have been upset at myself for getting wrapped up in end-gaining.  But on this day, I just said to myself - it is what it is and that's OK.  We all end-gain (even our most loved AT teachers :D

Another AT lesson that has been tangibly experienced in my real life.  I love it when that happens!