Confession

So, I need to confess that sometimes I feel anxiety when I am getting ready to write a post for this blog.  My brain goes into pressure mode... "I need to write something smart & witty" or "I'm not sure that what I have to say is interesting enough so maybe I should just pass on writing today"... you get the idea.  A couple of times these thoughts have crept into my conscious mind I have recognized and named them out loud as Fear.  That alone has helped me to Pause and reevaluate where that thought stems from.

I was talking with my AT teacher, the fabulous Sarah Barker, about this just the other day.  And she was so thrilled for me.  Ha!  Sometimes I think it's so funny the things that get us AT people excited.  Anyway, she pointed out to me what a wonderful time of experimentation this blogging thing could be for me.  I will be (and am) practicing INHIBITION when I blog.

For kicks, I'd like to attempt to explain what I know Inhibition to be.  Simply put, it's allowing a Pause to happen before I do something (anything).  Within that Pause, I will Direct myself.  So, if I am cleaning in the kitchen thinking about what I am going to blog next, I might notice some physical tension or tightness.  I will then Inhibit (Pause and Direct).  Then, I might sit at the computer and have the impulse to think of something "brilliant" to write.  I will Inhibit again.  And again.  And again.  

What am I Inhibiting exactly?  My old habits... my reactionary patterns to a stimulus.  Have you noticed your patterns?  Some of mine include: tightening of the jaw, shortened breaths, blinders on my eyes so that I zero in on my target.  The Inhibiting allows me to take a moment to say to myself, "sure, I can go ahead and allow my old habits to happen but what would happen if I consciously take a breath, Think Forward and Up, then acknowledge and become aware of my whole environment.  Typically what happens is that I find myself more centered, more in control (but not in an aggressive way), lightness, and freedom in my whole body.  

How much time does this Inhibiting take? I think at first when one is learning it, it can take a few moments.  But after time, patience and practice, Inhibiting will become the new habit and will most likely become like an automatic response.  This is my guess... I'm still taking my time when I Inhibit.  So, writing this one blog has taken me a little longer than my habitual self would have liked.  BUT, I can happily say that my body (and Self) are happier, healthier and thankful for the extra time.

Direct Your Thought

One of Alexander's principles is 'Direction'.  My current understanding of what this principle teaches is that 'Direction' is not a specific place like North, South, East or West but rather we, each of us, has the power to direct our own thoughts in order to make changes.

In regard to the Primary Control, the 'Direction' we give ourselves is, 'Forward and Up'.  Physically (if you will permit me for a moment to separate the mind from the body) when I think of 'Forward and Up' I visualize my A/O joint and then I picture an arching arrow continuing to spiral my Self up and out of the top of my scull.  The effect for me (right now anyway) is one of lengthening, lightness, full breaths, and the ability to move in any direction at any given moment.  (That's quite a bit going on for a simple little phrase!)  There are many other 'Directions' we can give ourselves, but for this moment I wanted to use this one example.

What I have been most intrigued with lately is how 'Direction' is beyond the physical example I mentioned.  I am learning that my entire life (physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually etc.) is supported and propelled by how I choose to Direct My Thought.  For example, if I continually speak to my Self in a negative context, those directions will have a negative effect on my entire Self.  So if I decided to make a change in my life... if I decide that I want to change my habit of negative self talk... I absolutely can do that!  I also have to realize that changing a habit is difficult and will take time.  I will need to remind myself that when I repeat the habit that I want to eradicate, that I am not perfect, that I've lived with this habit for a very long time, and I also need to congratulate myself for simply noticing my old habit.  Behavioral change can be a very good thing and it can also take a very long time.

What I LOVE is that I do have the power within me to change my habits.  Which means that I can change my life to make it what I want it to be.  And I can do ALL of this with just a Thought.

A Painful End-Gaining Experience

SO... I had a wonderful day with my brother celebrating his 40th birthday at a place called Catamount in upstate NY.  (Check it out:  http://www.catamounttrees.com/)  It's wonderland of zip-lines, balancing on wires 30+ feet in the air (attached to a harness of course), and a plethora of obstacles that is mentally & physically challenging.  Basically it's an obstacle course in the trees.

I was on this one course high up in the trees.  I'm attached to my harness & safety line.  The challenge was to step on to these "floating" logs while you hold on to the safety wire as you make your way across a 20 foot span until you can step onto the  landing zone.  I was doing SO FANTASTIC!  I was having a blast... smiling, laughing but all the while focusing on my foot placement.  OK - so then I get to the last two floating logs and I lost my Self.  I was looking to the landing zone instead of the challenge directly in front of me.  While over-reaching the log, my foot slipped, I "fell"but my arms held me up on the steel cables as they dug into my arms.  I didn't panic, but felt a lot of pain from the steel cable.

I knew instantly that I was end-gainging.  But, I didn't panic and I didn't beat myself up for end-gaining... which I am very happy about.  Not too long ago, I would have been upset at myself for getting wrapped up in end-gaining.  But on this day, I just said to myself - it is what it is and that's OK.  We all end-gain (even our most loved AT teachers :D

Another AT lesson that has been tangibly experienced in my real life.  I love it when that happens!

Inclusion and Exclusion

I had the opportunity to attend an AT workshop this past June in Charlottesville, VA at the Seven Oaks Retreat Center.  The workshop was organized by Jan Baty - here's her website: AT at Seven Oaks

I was in a group session with Jan teaching and we began to explore this idea of inclusion and exclusion.  The exercise was that we decided (through thought only) to include our partner.  Include meaning - accept, offer space, and to encourage a connection with that person.  The next part of the exercise was to Exclude (through thought only) our partner.  Exclude meaning - push away, ignore, & discourage a connection.  I was BLOWN AWAY at the power of thought.  Even though I was privy to what my partner was doing to me (including or excluding) it brought back childhood memories of wanting to fit in on the play ground... it was a deep, instantaneous understanding of inclusion/exclusion that was very familiar to me.

I found this exercise EXTREMELY helpful for where I am as an AT teacher trainee.  Sometimes, when I'm practicing giving a lesson, it is so easy for me to want to include my student so very much that I lose myself.  Or I find that sometimes when I am overwhelmed with my own life I might exclude my student (consciously or unconsciously) and... well... that wall would not be helpful to my student or to me!

I have been thinking about this exercise for a few weeks now.  I am realizing that it is something I struggle with on a daily basis.  I want so very much for everyone around me to feel included, welcomed, and connected that I drain my own energy.  In other words... I can be inclusive all I want, but I do not have any control over whether or not the student chooses to be included.  This exercise has helped me understand that I have my own Self - I always will.  I am here breathing my space and I am choosing to include this person.  If they are choosing not to be included, then I am alright with that.  For whatever reason, they are where they are and maybe if I continue to include them, without losing myself, they might choose to open up a little to our connection.

The British Medical Journal - Alexander Technique & Back Pain

This was a fascinating study that came out in 2008.  I hope there will be many more studies in the near future!  Enjoy.

Frederick Matthias Alexander

From the website: AlexanderTechnique.com

F. M. Alexander (1869 - 1955) was a Shakespearean actor from Australia.  Back then, actors often would travel to people's homes or small venues to recite and perform.  F. M. would perform whole Shakespeare plays as a one man show.  Shakespeare is not known for his brevity, so as you can imagine, F.M. spoke and projected his voice for long periods of time.  Over some time, he began to lose his voice.  He visited doctors and they found no physical reason for his vocal loss so they suggested he rest his voice for a couple of weeks.  After a few weeks of rest, he would perform another play and lose his voice in the middle of the performance.  He visited many doctors who all told him the same thing, "rest your voice and then you'll be fine for your next performance".  Yet, he never experienced long-term healing from resting his voice.

So, he started to think to himself... maybe it's something I'm doing (a habit) that is interfering with my vocal mechanism which is causing me to lose my voice during performances.  That one thought set him on a path of self study.  He tediously watched himself in mirrors, notating what happened to his physicality when he spoke.  He analyzed his thought process - the thoughts he would have just before he spoke - and how they directly related to his physical habits.  

Over time he developed his own technique that helped him retrain his self (mind and body) so that he could move and speak with greater ease.  He didn't just apply this technique to his speaking but to ALL of his everyday activities.  He found such great success with this technique that the doctors that couldn't help him before wanted F.M. to teach them his new technique.  His actor friends want to learn from him what he discovered so they could apply it to their own personal and professional lives.  After 35 years of teaching people what he learned, he then began to teach people how to become teachers of his technique.

My two cents - One of the things I love about the Alexander Technique is that F.M. never said his work was complete.  He wouldn't say, "that's it, I've got it... now everyone do what I did so that you can get it right".  Instead, I feel very encouraged by his writings, and my AT teachers and peers to keep discovering for myself.  F.M. has given us a TREMENDOUS road map with signs posted to help us along our way.  And I am very excited to take a side trip down a road that has been overlooked.  So, I like to ponder the thought... what will I discover along my journey?